Bless. Our. Hearts.
Bless our well-intentioned, this-is-gonna-be-magical, we-love-our-city hearts.
What were we thinking?
I mean, I even had friends say, “Oh, Sara…”
Because, dear Jesus, yes.
We could be here for twenty years going down the laundry list of reasons this was madness, but did I listen? Did any of us listen? No.
BECAUSE WE WERE GOING TO BE AWESOME!!!!!!
I had snacks. I had drinks. I had stuff.
And if all else failed, I had wipes.
Cause wipes fix everything, right?
It was just all tra-la-la and dreamy…taking pictures as we drove down Main of guys carrying beer??? Because it was IRONIC???? What?!?!?
It was when I snapped this darling, the hubs said, “Honey, he knows you are taking pictures of him…” And I just laughed out a “Oh, he thinks it’s a hoot!” I ask you, is this the face of someone having a hoot of a time?
Um no. Just. No.
Truth? It only went downhill from there. I know, I know, the thought that it could get worse than me being a creepy, mini-van photog is slightly horrifying. But what can I say, we aim to excel…even in failure.
The moment that really changed everything, was when the two bigs and I got “dropped off” close to the parade route.
Me. Two Kids. My Cane.
Bless. Our. Hearts.
And did we own navigating downtown like a boss?????
Still. Just. No.
After moving three times and nearly inciting a brawl, I implored a Westin employee to let me in to use their phone. Because did you know that there is no service when the entire city is within ten square blocks of each other??? Did you know?
Well, now you know.
And to the point, why did I think Nathan would be the one person on earth that would have service? But I did. And by some World Series miracle, he actually picked up the phone.
The second I heard his voice I danced the most awkward dance. Right there in the lobby. In front of two men sitting 2 feet away.
That’s when I heard Grace say to them, “I’m so sorry. She gets a little over excited sometimes.”
So. That. Happened.
And then we went back outside and stood a whole hoot of a lot and waited for Daddy and Aunt Boo.
Poor Daddy and Aunt Boo.
They had no stroller (because we were awesome and forgot it.) They had no diapers (because I had them all.) And they had no chance in hoot of getting through to the hotel entrance (because someone formed a human chain and would not let them pass.)
Bless. All. The. Human. Chain. Forming. Hearts.
Even more precious, they had six folding chairs between them, a five-year-old who loves to stop and look at leaves and a baby who normally takes two naps. So when the poop hit the fan (quite literally), there was only one thing to do.
Turn around and go back to ground zero without the chairs.
You guys, they actually left the chairs BEHIND.
Can you even imagine what fresh hell would make them leave the chairs BEHIND?
Meanwhile, twenty feet and a human chain away, the older two had full-on lost themselves.
Kicking. Crying. General wailing.
So now it was our turn to leave the metaphorical chair behind…
I remember only three things in the hour it took us to get back to our if-we-lose-each-other-spot:
- Yelling at the kids, “Grab some ticker-tape. For the love. We should at least have some ticker tape!”
- Drew telling every person smoking a cigarette, “Second hand smoke kills and I’m afraid I’m going to have to report you to the cops.”
- Talking to myself as we scaled a hill that might as well have been Everest with a, “Whose idea was this? Oh, yeah. Yours. Sara, stop talking. People are staring.”
But just when all hope seemed lost, we found Daddy and Aunt Boo.
And may I say, my man seriously never looked so good. I would have thrown my arms around him and had a sweeping romantic, Scarlett-O-Hara moment. But let’s be honest, that would have left just enough time for one of the kids to disappear.
And that would have been the utter end of us all.
So instead, we piled in the van, toasted to our epic fail and just as we began to head into traffic a beacon of light pulled up beside us. It was our let’s-get-real friends sporting that same what-in-the-hoot-just-happened look.
Yes, our people had come.
And we knew it the moment they shouted in sweet solidarity, “We didn’t see anything either!”
Bless. Our. Hearts.